Anxiously Awaiting – A Journey Through Adoption

This year has been a bittersweet one.  In ways it was one of the best years ever.  In ways it was one of the worst.  But the best parts center around adoption.

Obviously being blessed with Grace and her amazing birth family is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me.

The other amazing thing that happened this year.   I was able to get in contact with my older sister, who was placed for adoption before I was born.   I have known about her for about 17 years, and have thought about her often over the years.   I had seen one photo that my father had of her, and knew that we looked somewhat alike, and always wondered if we were alike, and what she was like.    Back when I first found out about her, we didn’t have internet and email and facebook (or cell phones that weighed less than five pounds, but that’s a different story).   Finding her was a task that I had no idea how to undertake.

Well, earlier this year, as we were going through Grace’s adoption, I thought about my sister, G, often.   I finally one night thought I’d try and find her.  I had her first name, where she lived, and knew a limited amount of info about her birth mother.   VERY little to go on.   Well it took about 10 minutes on Facebook for me to narrow it down to a few possible women.   I thought long and hard.  What if it is her, and she doesn’t know about me, or want to know about me, or does know about me and doesn’t want to know me (I’m pretty darn easy to find online).

I sent the most likely one a message, held my breath and hoped I hadn’t made the wrong choice.  Within no time heard back.  I had found my sister.   And she was thrilled.  She had been waiting.  She didn’t want to reach out to me, not knowing how much I may or may not have known.    It was incredible.  Within three to four messages, I had found my sister, and had found that we were so very much alike.    Within a few weeks of talking back and forth, I felt like I had always known her and somehow had a bond with her and that if I ever needed her, I know she’d be there and vice versa.  Very different than any relationship I’ve had with any friend.  We have yet to get together in person, but it is one of my top resolutions for 2011.

Adoption has changed my life profoundly this year.   It has changed who I am forever.   The blessings it has given me are beyond measure.   I can never be thankful enough.  I hope in 2011 to help others with adoption, in whatever ways I can.  Give back.  Pay it forward.   I have been given so much, that I simply must give back.

First off let me make a confession – I suck at keeping up baby memory books.   There’s no pretending or fooling anyone, myself included.   I blame the overwhelming fatigue that takes over life at the same time all the cute “firsts” are happening.    Yes, I feel shame and embarrassment over it, but at least I’m honest.  That has to count for something, right?  I am not good at recording every single first, writing it down and saving it forever.   But, I am there with my girls for all those firsts, and that probably matters more than the recording of said events (at least that’s what I tell myself).

When Grace was born, I looked at a few of the standard baby books, but truth be told I really didn’t know how to make them work for an adoption situation.   They just didn’t seem to fit well.   But a few months (and nights of deep sleep) later, I came across a baby book that I am super excited about. My Family, My Journey: A Baby Book for Adoptive Families by Zoe Francesca & Susie Ghahremani.

My Family My Journey Adoption Memory Book

I ordered it last week and it arrived yesterday.   It’s perfect and I am completely in love with it.   With sections such as…

Before You Were Born
The Story Of Your Adoption
People Who Helped Us Find You
Waiting
The Match
A Baby Shower
Our Journey To You
Our Very First Meeting
All About Your Name
All About Your Birthday
Our Family
Coming Home
Your New Home
Introductions & Celebrations
Your Announcement
Your Adoption Buddies
Your Adoption Day
What We Know About Your Birth Family & Where You Came From

As well as the standard firsts, favorites, month by month and first birthday sections, it is a great fit for an open newborn domestic adoption situation such as ours.  There are even special stickers included to help you create the family tree that best represents your family, allowing you to decide how to put a family three together that fits for you.

Last thing…  One little baby book story that always brings a smile to my face.  When my dear, sweet Grandmother passed away (and Bella was a year old), her husband invited me over one night, telling me he had some special items of hers that he wanted me to have.   A bible, my Father’s first pair of baby shoes, and his baby book.   I was so excited about the baby book.  My Father was the first born, and my Grandma was always so full of pride and love for him.

I opened it, seeing her handwriting, and feeling such a special bond.  Than I turned to the second page.  It was blank!  As were the others!   While on one hand I was truly sad that I wasn’t going to get to read her special memories, on the other hand I had to laugh.  Even my Grandmother, back in the 1940′s with her first born child, didn’t get the baby book filled out.  It was like a wonderful message from her (she always had great advice) telling me that it’s okay that I didn’t have a perfectly completed baby book.  I think I cherish that book for that reason almost more than any other.